bending

bending down to pick up a elastic band
or not
my eye catches a racial slur
or is it
on the park bench beside me
African and Asian slurs
with two purple lines through it

pause, my head snaps back
the elastic band in my hand
i read
next to it
olivia waz hur
second looking at the slur, notice it says
I
before it

question - so is it
self identification
self mutilation
self degradation
self denial
selfish

or not

seemingly haphazard

Seemingly haphazard

seemingly haphazard but nothing happens BUT FOR a reason
i stepped over a ladybug, watched many more bugs, wings,
dread beat beating in my wings
wings concealed until they fly
to find aphids to eat, ahhhh ladybug galore
crawling settling from flight
the slightest little motion
air
light
soil
plants and wind intersect
abuzz
seeming erratic
we know not
rearrange

it's complex

it's complex
or some say
complicated
especially with dreams
but nevertheless important
the trucks in the alley are taking away the sorted recycle
to where I do not know, but I know my dream
was about having to take a Math test over
and there were lots of things I could not find, bear with me...
i could not find out how I had done before, like what mark I had got on the
previous exam.
I assumed that it was a failure, but I wasn't sure, so I tried to find the class for the summer,
or information about how or what I was supposed to do, like summer school.
People were crowded together, like a subway at rush hour, surging into and out of passageways.
No one seemed to know anything. I felt like giving up.
It felt like the whole thing had happened before, for me and all these people around me.

And it had.
I just left before, and now I was going to leave again.
But no.
I wasn't. I was dreaming and I could do something about it.
At least this.

the alley is quite now
I could see myself
in the dream and as the dreamer
I can do this